Is Playing Well Essential for Enjoyment?
Thanks for letting me know what’s important to you when you play. I’ll make sure this is reflected in the information I suggest to you in the future.
As you are probably aware, the prevailing Culture of Golf and Golfers states that your happiness and enjoyment of the game are largely based on a single element of it. Your performance – measured by your score.
Think about it. When was the last time you played a round of golf without keeping at least a mental note of how the round was progressing against par or your handicap?
The judgement you made about the quality of your experience – whether you enjoyed the game or not – was almost certainly influenced by the numbers written down on the scorecard. This was certainly my experience of the game for many years.
Is Performance Too Important?
The golf instruction industry thrives on and in many ways perpetuates this culture. Think about this for a moment too. How much money is there to be made from golfers who are happy and enjoy their game independent of how they play? How many lessons, training aids and new drivers are you likely to buy if you don’t think there is somewhere better to get to? Something you need to become in order to feel OK about the game?
And what happens when you do experience success? How long does the feeling of achievement and fulfilment last before the little voice in the back of your head starts suggesting you need to set more goals? Golf is the game you can never perfect, so if you are deeply caught in this misunderstanding, your experience of the game is likely to be long periods of suffering, punctuated by brief spells of relief.
Having been part of the establishment for many years, I have seen it from both sides. I have been a client of the industry, and been part of it. The key problem is this:
A golfer’s performance over a period of time isn’t in your control in the way that you might have been led to believe that it is.
Your golfing performance is a symptom of other things. The result of other factors all working together. And when you base your happiness and wellbeing on something that is outside of your control, bad things can start to happen.
A Vicious Circle
The Performance, Enjoyment and Learning triangle I reference in the books was the idea of Tim Gallwey, originator of the well known ‘Inner Game’ coaching model. Performance comes at the top of the triangle, supported by enjoyment and learning.
In my experience working in other sports especially with young people, the reason for this has become clear. Performance is the natural result or outcome when someone is enjoying their sport, and is learning from their experiences. If either enjoyment or learning is absent, performance suffers.
Yet so many golfers I meet are confused. They innocently choose to make enjoyment dependent on their performance. This is the root of all their struggles. If you stop enjoying the game, you lose your enthusiasm. If you lose your enthusiasm you stop being curious.You lose interest and find other things to do with your time. You play worse when you do get out on the course, which makes enjoyment even more elusive and the cycle is complete.
But How Can I Enjoy Playing Badly?
I get it. You might well have come across my work because you want to play better. I don’t get many calls from happy golfers. So this is where you need to have courage. Take a deep breath and acknowledge the fear of not playing well. As all the major philosophies and spiritual traditions suggest, suffering is for a reason. It is telling us something.
Unfortunately, Western culture has led us to believe that the route out of suffering is to achieve more, attain more, do more. This is the opposite of the truth. As we know from golf, the happiness we feel from achievement or attainment is short lived. It just leads to more wanting, more seeking, more suffering.
When it comes to golf, what suffering is really telling us is that we have lost our way. We have forgotten that happiness doesn’t come from achievements or success, it comes from playing the game for its own sake. Young children play as an expression of freedom, not as a route to freedom. They do not place conditions on their own happiness.
Escaping The Trap
The moment that you realise that your enjoyment of the game does not depend on your performance, you are on the path to liberation. This is a big leap of faith for many golfers. The grip of our culture is strong.
But think about it logically. At some point you fell in love with the game. You probably performed less well back then that you do now, yet you enjoyed it. Why else would you have continued to play? Even if the game was a challenge, you enjoyed that challenge. You embraced it.
The game hasn’t changed. The only thing that might have changed are your expectations, innocently placing conditions on your own enjoyment. Check in with your own experience. Notice the inner story, that you will only enjoy golf if it unfolds in a certain way.
Who is telling that story?